Skip to main content

Day 15 No Report on Saturdays


It’s 7:00 on Sunday night.  I spent the day by myself.  Except for the morning meditation meeting at Traditional.  I’m glad I made that.  It was a struggle to get out of bed to make it at 9:30 as it just felt so good to lay there.  But no I promised myself that I would go if Traditional started it so off I went.  Even as I sat there I knew I wanted to leave as soon as the sit was over as I didn’t want to listen to what anybody said.  But no, once again I listened to that small new voice that said, “Take it easy dude, you might hear something good.”  I did stay and I heard nothing but wonderful things.  All thoughts from other minds that didn’t cater to my blanched state.  I’m not sure what’s going on but it’s going on. 

Winnow passed her licensing test, at least part 1 of 2 and I am so happy for her.  It was a big deal but I had faith where she may have not for a moment or two.  I did pray for her success.   So there is that part of me that does believe in some mighty higher power.  And that was about it for my day.  Yesterday, Ray came over to take me out for lunch.  Nice.  We came home to watch, “The Interview” and I had to prod him several times in the first half hour of the movie to stay awake.  C’mon Ray!  Play more nicely.  I’m not complaining loudly as it is just nice to have my son around.  After he left I just video’d out in front of the TV all night.  As I was dreaming of my bike ride, I started Round 2 of TV Vegetation and am now done and just ready for bed.  I actually ate a big bowl of ice cream littered with mini chocolate chip cookies, heated chocolate syrup and for that guaranteed happy place, slathered it all with canned whip cream.  Life doesn’t get any better than that on a Sunday!  Not only did I eat that bowl of sugary serenity, I made a special trip to Trader Joe’s to build that delight.  So it wasn’t all day that I spent on the couch.  I’ll dream of a salad tomorrow.

 

1.        I’m grateful for having the tools available to battle any incoming despair.

2.        I’m grateful for knowing that most down moments are just moments today.  They’re not parades for opening seasons.

3.       I’m grateful that I’m still not too fat from ice cream jonesing.  Ha ha ha!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Am Dardanelle So I decide I’m going to go for a hike but I don’t want to drive. What to do?  Well my strength is imagination, pursuing thoughts, strong holding onto old memories, er, you get the picture.  So let’s take a virtual walk.  Summon all my daily thoughts and tell them to take the day off, I’m going on a hike!  This is my hike.  It is on my planet and is free for all to enjoy.  I speed through the uneventful drive but secretly delight in the destination ahead.  I always get lost so part of the adventure is finding the right spot to park.  I have to unclutter my mind and focus on the feeling that tells me the right place to stop.  I stop and get out and look at where I am.  The road is planted in the middle of an immense garden of pines, cedars, elms, big rocks, pine needles and clouds.   My path today is traipsing through this garden with no thought of later. I skip across the street and instantly I’m strainin...
2 comments
Read more

Day 82 Bob

Bob is dying.   He’s having too many brain bleeds to survive the liver transplant.   He needs the liver to stop the bleeding but because of the bleeding they are refusing to offer him a lifesaving transplant.   I’m sorry Bob.   I’m really sorry for Kathy, his wife who has been his super hero through all of his medical tragedies.   She’s been by his side for every visit in the hospital whether they were together or not.   She has cried herself to sleep many nights over the prospect of losing the man she loves.   This is my example of unconditional love that I’ve been talking about. Bob and Kathy took me in to their home one day when I had nowhere to go.   I had just left my marriage and didn’t know what to do at that exact moment.   I decided to go over to Dennis’ as he was my best friend and he might offer a suggestion.   He wasn’t home and I sat on the bench on his front porch with my thoughts and not much else.   Bob showed...
3 comments
Read more

It's all Fucked up

Yesterday I ate a bowlful of triggers and broke down completely in my therapist’s office.   Sure some of it has to do with turning 60 but there were older more ancient forces at work.   I’m lazy, I’m a loser, I’m lonely, and I’m financially fragile.   I, I, I.   I am having a hard time seeing the good in my life and there is good.   I have my own home, I have a healthy son and a pretty good relationship with him.   My health is not bad, I wish I had straighter teeth. So I don’t know what was the champion of the I hate me club that brought me down so strategically.   I got a birthday card from a former girlfriend inviting me out to a dinner and I think that was what started it.   I realized that all the work that I’ve done in therapy and with my AA sponsor was all interrelated with the failings that transpired during that relationship.   The more I realized it, the greater power they started to have again in my brain.   I’m still supe...
6 comments
Read more