Skip to main content

Day 15 No Report on Saturdays


It’s 7:00 on Sunday night.  I spent the day by myself.  Except for the morning meditation meeting at Traditional.  I’m glad I made that.  It was a struggle to get out of bed to make it at 9:30 as it just felt so good to lay there.  But no I promised myself that I would go if Traditional started it so off I went.  Even as I sat there I knew I wanted to leave as soon as the sit was over as I didn’t want to listen to what anybody said.  But no, once again I listened to that small new voice that said, “Take it easy dude, you might hear something good.”  I did stay and I heard nothing but wonderful things.  All thoughts from other minds that didn’t cater to my blanched state.  I’m not sure what’s going on but it’s going on. 

Winnow passed her licensing test, at least part 1 of 2 and I am so happy for her.  It was a big deal but I had faith where she may have not for a moment or two.  I did pray for her success.   So there is that part of me that does believe in some mighty higher power.  And that was about it for my day.  Yesterday, Ray came over to take me out for lunch.  Nice.  We came home to watch, “The Interview” and I had to prod him several times in the first half hour of the movie to stay awake.  C’mon Ray!  Play more nicely.  I’m not complaining loudly as it is just nice to have my son around.  After he left I just video’d out in front of the TV all night.  As I was dreaming of my bike ride, I started Round 2 of TV Vegetation and am now done and just ready for bed.  I actually ate a big bowl of ice cream littered with mini chocolate chip cookies, heated chocolate syrup and for that guaranteed happy place, slathered it all with canned whip cream.  Life doesn’t get any better than that on a Sunday!  Not only did I eat that bowl of sugary serenity, I made a special trip to Trader Joe’s to build that delight.  So it wasn’t all day that I spent on the couch.  I’ll dream of a salad tomorrow.

 

1.        I’m grateful for having the tools available to battle any incoming despair.

2.        I’m grateful for knowing that most down moments are just moments today.  They’re not parades for opening seasons.

3.       I’m grateful that I’m still not too fat from ice cream jonesing.  Ha ha ha!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Day 327 Battling Depression

Not much longer now.   33 days until I go over to the 60 side of life.   Today I’m sick so my outlook is a bit jaded.   So many people around me are retiring from work and here I sit, older than half of them but still coming to work every day.   It’s not a total drag but it’s not a joyful celebration either.   I have to engage in games with the team “lead”.   He does not want to do his work so he pushes if off on me in the name of load balancing.   Hah!   Granted there isn’t a lot of work to be done as I do it as it comes in but I still don’t want to do his work so he can do his brand of nothing.   That’s my high light of what’s going on in my life. That’s not what is important though.   I am circling the depression zone, getting stuck on thoughts, ruminating a bit, languishing in perceived loneliness.   All the things I promised myself I wouldn’t do.   Yet here I am.   My therapist asked me if I wanted to try eHarm...

Day 10 One Voice now

My therapist has introduced the theory to me of the inner child.   I have to say that as long as I’ve heard of this I didn’t give it much credence.   After several sessions though a light began to glimmer and it started making sense.   Especially when she told me it’s not just one inner child, it’s a bus load of them.   “But you’re not unique in that Pher!”   Knowing me, that was key to say.   When a familiar feeling arises that resonates with one of my “children”, that voice is the one that leads the pack.   Rage for instance, can rally the troops and all in unison they’ll abdicate their place and the screaming eventually finds its way out of my mouth and out into the real world.   Results vary but mostly on the poor scale.   The melancholy child sets off an entirely different rumbling throughout the bus.   He broods and the whole gang starts dragging.   The chain reaction activates the depression child and then the droopy voice ...
I Am Dardanelle So I decide I’m going to go for a hike but I don’t want to drive. What to do?  Well my strength is imagination, pursuing thoughts, strong holding onto old memories, er, you get the picture.  So let’s take a virtual walk.  Summon all my daily thoughts and tell them to take the day off, I’m going on a hike!  This is my hike.  It is on my planet and is free for all to enjoy.  I speed through the uneventful drive but secretly delight in the destination ahead.  I always get lost so part of the adventure is finding the right spot to park.  I have to unclutter my mind and focus on the feeling that tells me the right place to stop.  I stop and get out and look at where I am.  The road is planted in the middle of an immense garden of pines, cedars, elms, big rocks, pine needles and clouds.   My path today is traipsing through this garden with no thought of later. I skip across the street and instantly I’m strainin...