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Day 20 Being born


I remember being born.  The moments before the push a familiar hush whispered to me (in ancient GushMush), “YYou are being pushed into the light child.  YYou will lose the innocence of the dark.  IIt will no longer be your balm of safety.  IIt may be unsettling because you will wonder where the safety is.  SSadly a lot of children find darkness a place of fear instead.”  I wanted to ask questions but I didn’t have the capacity, didn’t know I didn’t know I had the capacity.  I had been on my own and in a state of blissful peace my entire life and suddenly violent spasms were shaking my world.

“TThere will be some uncomfortable movement as all of your senses accustom themselves to the new environment.  BBe strong and try to remember that it’s only a transition.”  Gently talking as if they were taking slow breaths on a summer day.  No name for this entity, just the benign conversation that was to change my completely perfect world.

“Wait, wait, are you going to be with me?” I detected a new feeling with that question.  It was uneasy and not pleasant.

“NNo, no, that’s not what we do.  WWe’re here for prebirth and near death which is an entirely different conversation.  WWe’re just here now to help with your passage into the Other.”  No sense of urgency, distress, just a gentle distance.  If I could reach out to touch it I wouldn’t be able to.  I knew that.  I started to know.  Questions were now starting to function and percolate.

“Why?”  I felt the liquid blanket lessen and a new feeling of not warmth started to consume me.  “Who are they that I’m going to?”  That new feeling, an unease, started to increase a bit in intensity.

“TThey are your mother and father.  YYou will be known as Pher.  YYou will have a unique place in the world outside.”  The voices I learned and felt were love.

“Why them?  Did I choose them?”  “NNo, there is really no choice, the gift is the opportunity to learn.  IIt’s a miracle Pher.  WWe picked them to guide you through the transition.  OOur time is shortening now.  KKnow that we have also chosen 2 angels to monitor your safety in this new world.  TThey are to be known as TTreater and AAxe.”

“Safety?  I won’t be safe?” A flood of unusual and awkward understandings started streaming into my brain.  I could feel my wet home slowly, cyclically squeezing against my skin.  My skin, something new I just felt.

“IInnocence is what’s at stake Pher.  SSaftey is in the hands of your angels.  BBut innocence is the agenda, it is the purity of the universe.  IIt will never be as pure as it is now.”  The volume of the voices came in smaller degrees as the pressure around me increased.

“Innocence?” It was getting harder for me to communicate as an intense pressure was building up in my head, around my head.  “W.h.a.t i.s i.t?”  It was a complicated strain to talk now.

“IIt is you now.  TThe thoughts you have now are innocence.  TThe wonder you imagine RIGHT now is innocence.  AA feeling known as love will flood you when your mother first embraces you after emergence.    WWhen your eyes connect for the the first time, that is the power of the universe, it is creation, chaos, survival, purity, intent, and love with absolutely no distraction, that is your innocence.  TThat moment of love is innocence.  IIt is a moment gained and granted and grown by love shared.  IIt is knowing there is nothing between you and potential.  TThere is nothing between you and grace.”  The voices were still and a crushing pain surged through what I knew to be my little body.

Suddenly I was transposed into a frightening room of light, sharp noises, agonizing moaning’s and other surreal sensations.  I was held and swept into a fabric that was not wet, but terrifyingly DRY. 

“It’s a boy!  Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Shirley!”

“Christ, I just hope it’s mine” Daddy murmured outside the perimeter of the bed.  Corruption 1 - Innocence - 0.

1.  I'm grateful I spent my New Year's Eve sober and with a roomful of sober people.
2.  I'm grateful that my nephew has been calling me a lot these past few months.
3.  I'm grateful I have medical benefits and that I can treat this chronic headache soon.
 

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