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Day 30 Oh to be a Man II


The topic is supposed to be innocence, wonder, impression, joy, doubtlessness, whatever adjective, adverb that is the opposite of confusion, fear, impotence, irritation, frustration, etc.  You get the picture.  My teenage years in Germany set the pattern for many years to come.  The availability of drugs and alcohol was so easy to acquire and the dramatic effects so beautiful to long for, it was no wonder I wanted to be Peter Pan for life.  And I did.  And I was.  I don’t know how addled the minds were of the friends I hung out with, I just assumed they were just as mushed as mine.  It’s a condition called fishbowl living.  If you’re in the fishbowl everything looks the same on the outside from the inside.  I did not have the ability to form an independent sense of self.  It was frankly too frightening.   I wasn’t allowed to be much of anybody at home with all the trouble I found myself in.  My parents were too far out of reach for any “heart to hearts” and my brothers were always engaged in their own battles to find any depth with them.

Is this my fault?  No, I don’t believe it is.  Is it my parents fault?  To a degree I think it is.  I believe military families is a word that should never have made it into the English language.  Maybe military wife/husband and stop the pain at that point.  I can say today that my mom, my dad had their demons too and acted out of some weird script of what a parent should be, but they should have purchased a script written in English. 

I can’t tell you what my school life was like as I don’t remember too much.  I’ve been suspended every year since 7th grade, I remember that.  I got in a fist fight with a Biology teacher because he accused me of stealing.  My stuff was fragile yet explosive.  I must have had a thin line of what it was that I was supposed to do or to be.  A thread that always was present but in the haze of battle it was too microscopic for me to follow.  I couldn’t even tell my brothers what a good job they did in anything unless I was told to do so.  The parameters of being social were off planet and probably off solar system.  With that, the gravity of finding yourself is so crushing, that it all balls up into a meteor crashing into your heart and your little mind all day long.  The self-absorption is total.  To get a word out to a girl that you find her cute is like taking out a continent with a tsunami.  It just doesn’t happen. 

You get up in the morning, per yelling to get ready.  You get ready, you adjust to the system and you do what you have to do to just get out of the fucking house.  You go to school, you experiment with the other humans and try to notice their reactions and how different they are from you.  Instead of accepting their differences you realize that you are less than; a loser.  That’s what happens when you swing that sword with no purpose.  You kill the wrong person.  The wound that is you festers and weakens you to desperation.  Even your closest friends don’t know the pain because you don’t have the ability to put it in words.  It just comes out in actions.  You act.  You perform.  Just like at home.   You’ve been doing it for so long that it just comes naturally.  They think you’re a little weird, fun in a funny way and they accept you for that.  But the moment you want to make a word count, to say something that comes from the mineshaft deep down in the depths of your heart, i.t. d.o.e.s. n.o.t. h.a.p.p.e.n.  That’s where the drugs come in.  Whooo.  Thank god for getting wasted.

Recreational drug use?  Hah!  Too limited.  I took to getting loaded like water on fish (stupid).  It was an aha moment, it was a vacation from the thinking that never stopped in my brain.  I could feel some weird attachment to the people around me and say the things that I never knew I could say.  I could be the Knight Galahad to all the young princesses, I could be a prince to the pawns around me or I could just be Chris and chill out for a little while.  Christ, I didn’t want the high to stop.  I felt like I could see that thread that always beckoned me to follow but now I knew better.  Now I was higher, metaphysically, than ever before and knew what path to beat down.  Get high, be high and stay high.  Remember this is from a brain of a 15 year old when I made this discovery.  I had dabbled in the alcohol high at 13 and was whisked away to that state but the warhorse made it too tough to continue in that vein.  Not now, I was bolder, stronger and had a purpose.  I could finally be myself.  My masculinity question was not answered, it was only related to.   It was my Sword in the Stone moment.  I didn’t have to go through the process, I just pulled the sword out and I was a man in my own right.   The sword had no luster, no light, it was nicked and notched, scratched and bent but it was my sword.  I didn’t have my Merlin to whisper the secrets of manhood into my ear but I didn’t need him now.  (to be continued)

 

1.       I’m grateful for the friends I have in my life today.

2.       I’m grateful I found somebody on Facebook today.

3.       I’m grateful that I have found most of myself today.

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