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Day 113 Where I'm At


Hi.  It’s been a bit since I’ve written anything.  I feel so energized with everything that’s been happening in my life lately.  And it’s just life that’s been happening.  I still come to work every day, I go home and make something to eat and then watch some TV.  I have found time to meditate each day, a good 21 – 22 minute sit.  I’ve been riding my bike to work most days and that is great.  I talk to Ry and he’s come over a couple of times to hang out with his old man.  Yeah, so its life, and I’m doing it and it feels great.

Ry turned me on to a TV show called Supernatural and I’ve found the perfect addiction to satisfy my addiction center for now.  It’s in its 10th season and I’ve started with Season 1 and am slowly rolling through each episode.  It’s not expanding the mind electric but it does have a calming effect on my brain.  They’re brothers fighting the supernatural evil in the world, er, United States and they stay sane for the most part.  Now my job sometimes I feel like I’m dealing with a devil or 2 but these guys, it’s every day and they hold it together.  If they can do it then it’s certain that I can perform miracles on my job as well.

I’ve been reading more Buddhism books, Carl Jung psychology books and have had my mind expanded by virtue as a result.  I’m getting to know my ego or at least why it functions the way it does.  I’ve been exploring changing my world view and finding that it’s simply by choice and persistence.  Keeping my mind open and in a positive non-unique stance and I’ve felt a slip of peace flowing in coloring bits of my world differently.  I tested high on a cholesterol lab and I’ve had to change my eating patterns and the sedentary parts of my normal routine.  I’ve kept up with that these past 4 months and I’m looking forward to the next lab to see how it turns out.  The riding, the walking and even some push-ups (not much) have been consistent.  I can say that I’m proud of myself for the positive events happening in my life recently.  I haven’t given up to the addiction or the shadow of the warhorse.  I believe in myself as being part of the human race, not separated by the pain or victimhood of childhood anymore.

I went to the Sangha last night as there was a popular circuit speaker attending and he gave a talk on meditation.  He was explaining how meditation was our consent to enter into death.  To let go so completely that it would be a death to our ego in a sense.  Of course I’m not as articulate as he was but I got it, I got what he was saying.  In meditation you are observing all of your thoughts and you get to a point where you can let those thoughts go without resistance and it will be all right.  You will be all right.  You will still be yourself but with different eyes and different feelings.  I got it and I dug it.  It’s all coming down to the good that I feel about myself and realizing that it’s only now that counts.  Who I was isn’t who I am.

1.  I'm grateful for the insights that are unfolding in my mind.
2.  I'm grateful that I have the health to ride a bike and walk miles around the parks.
3.  I'm grateful for my son, his health and his friendship.

Comments

  1. SJ HolmwoodApril 28, 2015 at 9:00 AM

    Gosh, I had no idea what you went through growing up in the shadow of the warhorse. Another friend of mine endured similar things, though it seems more of his mother's was verbal abuse, but verbal and physical can be equally damaging. Makes me wonder what is wrong with people. I'm happy for you that you stopped that wretched cycle with your own child. You can really be proud of that Chris.

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