Swifty phiphty niner

One of my lifetimes I was a surgical technician.  That meant that I was the first person in the room, I would scrub my hands thoroughly (10 minutes) and gown and glove myself and then start setting up the instruments for whatever surgery we were going to perform.  It was a cool job as I got to see what few people could ever imagine.  I actually got to put my hand on a beating heart one time.  Wow, that was something that you’d never think you’d get to do on a job.  It was a pretty cool job as far as jobs go but in the end the hours started interfering with being a single full time dad.  I gave it up for an 8 to 5 Monday through Friday job.  I’ve never regretted my decision as I felt I could always have a job but the opportunity to raise a son only came be once.   When I lived in South Lake Tahoe I worked at Barton Memorial Hospital.  It was much smaller than Sutter General whence I came from.  As part of my job ...

To the delight of Miss Right I've written her a poem tonight. So this isn't a tale of knights and kings and queens Of squires and ladies and other royal things, I don't want to court you in that mannerly way. With words of poetry from all those fancy plays I hope you hear lutes and harps and angelic screams When I describe to you the love, the drama and the ways Of the pictures in my mind of you in my dreams. You've been trouble in my trousers since I first felt your charm My thoughts swirling lustily in the mist of your provocative scent I've swung you up on my horse so many times I ruined my arm If you lost a bit of that lusty ass my horses back wun't be so bent. Your smile can make any day so bright Your laugh can make the leaves in the tree so unsettled When you glance at me my pants get so tight Oh dear, I cant wait to take you in the meadow! I have made love to you in every imaginable way, On the bed, on the floor, against the wall and...

Soul mate.   From whence did these words come?   Actually it was about 1,000 years ago when courtly love was introduced into the western world.   Before that it was probably arranged marriages and you grew into love or great like with your mate.   But courtly love was a different beast altogether.   The symbolism was the pairing of the feminine and the masculine in the mind creating a balanced union, a spiritual connection, peace with your interior and exterior world.   I know I know, I’ve been reading Jungian psychology but it’s been calling out to me for the past 30 years and I think it has merit.   The idea being that it was carried out on a mental level, never to be carried on a physical level.   When the projection of romance fades (and it always does), if you are still in love with the flesh and blood woman in front of you than my hats off to you.   I have been fascinated by long term relationships my whole life.   My parents b...

The stuff I’m writing about is what pops up in my mind when I put pen to paper.   Or finger to keyboard, I do it both ways.   So it must need attention or that it’s time for me to re-look at something.   When my 2 nd marriage broke up I had completely lost my shit.   I know I’ve mentioned this several times before but it was a phenomenal event.   It’s been 10+ years and it seems like I’m able to look at it with some sense of distance, a certain lack of emotional upheaval to see it from a different perspective.   It wasn’t just the marriage breaking up, it was the addition of Nicole to the mix, my state of sobriety, my role as a husband, dad, man that was all up in the air.   Literally, it was all up in the ether with no anchor whatsoever.   I’ve learned a lot since then.   I’ve read a lot, written a lot, had lots of therapy, been to a million AA meetings, done a lot of 12 Step Work, meditation (on and off, mostly off), maintained friendship...

So this is the crux of the second marriage thing.  I was sober in AA, had a job, coached Hannah's soccer team, dealt with Ry and his gaming addiction as a teenager in high school.  It was a pretty normal life.  I had waited 13 years between marriages to make sure I was doing the right thing.  I had had a crush on Nan for over a decade and thought that we were friends first, lovers second and the natural thing I thought to do was to be married.  I loved her, loved her daughter.  Shit, I had a garden, compost pile, my first house I bought, doing all kinds of DIY to the house.  I got along good with Ry despite our spill out over his gaming.  I was doing life.  I wasn't getting into head trips and I was minding my own business.  I guess I thought I had arrived.  In hindsight I guess it was all outside stuff I was focused on.  And why wouldn't I?  I don't know when the cancer started but it did.  One cell started to ...

And then I met Nicole.   What an ending.   What a beginning.   My life was spiraling completely out of control emotionally and this near angel of mercy stepped in and everything stopped spinning.   The pain of living stopped for a moment and I was able to transport myself back to reality.   Well reality in this case was pretty subjective.   I was a king with no queen, my kingdom was dying, pestilence, rioting, strife, and unrest was a typical day in my head.   My mental wound languished and I suffered greatly.   My wife was cheating on me and treating me like a battered child at home.   I’d make it to work and Nicole would say the kindest things to me.   It was textbook end game, end of days, death of one queen, and hail to the new one.   This period in my life is pretty spotty and I have to rely on rumors mostly to fill in the blanks. My wife and I were trying to make a go of it but it all depended on her decision.   Hers. ...

My  Poppy  rose up every  Daisy  with a Cuppa Joe . " Chrysanthemum !  I  Aster  have my java hotter"! He  Snappeddragon ed curtly. My  Feverfew  was blossoming but I wanted to beat that  St James Wart  off his face with my  Goldenrod . Get my Foxgloves  on and give him a couple  Black-eyed Susans . " Begonia   Poppy  or you'll never see the light of a  Sunflower  again!  I'm  Impatiens  with your seedy  Painted Tongue .  I  Dahlia  to  Violet  my personal space again." I  Amarylli zed I was in a  Red Hot Poker   Scarlet Sage  and had to breathe  Baby Breaths  to find that  Sweet Alyssum   Cosmos  and get out of this  Yarrow ing compost pile. "Oh you're such a  Bleeding Heart Pansy . Why don't you grow a pair of  Coral Bells  to hide those  Gayfeather Baby Blue Ey...