Last Request - Last Request What you have to understand before I go any further is that the distance between me leaving my wife and being with Nicole cannot be measured in light years. A lot of mental damage took place. I could not weigh the merit of my worth as a husband, a man, a lover, a provider, nothing. I lost the race, I lost my mind to the casual benevolence of a cruel presence. Me/child/tender boy/sensitive Chris. L.O.S.T. every bit of my mind. I could not work among normal workers. I cried myself to sleep, on the way to work, during work, after work. The self-absorption of how wrong could I have been was so total, no cell unturned that did not share in the pain of the parting. Nicole though was an angel in this total darkness. She didn’t judge me but acted like I was the best man on the planet. Now this is 10 years distance since this happened and I still have a hard time transcribing this. In retrospect I discovered that she never broke up with her boyfriend