I remember being born.
The moments before the push a familiar hush whispered to me (in ancient
GushMush), “YYou are being pushed into the light child. YYou will lose the innocence of the
dark. IIt will no longer be your balm of
safety. IIt may be unsettling because
you will wonder where the safety is. SSadly
a lot of children find darkness a place of fear instead.” I wanted to ask questions but I didn’t have
the capacity, didn’t know I didn’t know I had the capacity. I had been on my own and in a state of
blissful peace my entire life and suddenly violent spasms were shaking my
world.
“TThere will be some uncomfortable movement as all of your
senses accustom themselves to the new environment. BBe strong and try to remember that it’s only
a transition.” Gently talking as if they
were taking slow breaths on a summer day.
No name for this entity, just the benign conversation that was to change
my completely perfect world.
“Wait, wait, are you going to be with me?” I detected a new feeling
with that question. It was uneasy and
not pleasant.
“NNo, no, that’s not what we do. WWe’re here for prebirth and near death which
is an entirely different conversation.
WWe’re just here now to help with your passage into the Other.” No sense of urgency, distress, just a gentle
distance. If I could reach out to touch
it I wouldn’t be able to. I knew
that. I started to know. Questions were now starting to function and
percolate.
“Why?” I felt the liquid
blanket lessen and a new feeling of not warmth started to consume me. “Who are they that I’m going to?” That new feeling, an unease, started to
increase a bit in intensity.
“TThey are your mother and father. YYou will be known as Pher. YYou will have a unique place in the world
outside.” The voices I learned and felt
were love.
“Why them? Did I
choose them?” “NNo, there is really no
choice, the gift is the opportunity to learn.
IIt’s a miracle Pher. WWe picked
them to guide you through the transition.
OOur time is shortening now.
KKnow that we have also chosen 2 angels to monitor your safety in this
new world. TThey are to be known as
TTreater and AAxe.”
“Safety? I won’t be
safe?” A flood of unusual and awkward understandings started streaming into my
brain. I could feel my wet home slowly, cyclically
squeezing against my skin. My skin,
something new I just felt.
“IInnocence is what’s at stake Pher. SSaftey is in the hands of your angels. BBut innocence is the agenda, it is the
purity of the universe. IIt will never
be as pure as it is now.” The volume of
the voices came in smaller degrees as the pressure around me increased.
“Innocence?” It was getting harder for me to communicate as
an intense pressure was building up in my head, around my head. “W.h.a.t i.s i.t?” It was a complicated strain to talk now.
“IIt is you now. TThe
thoughts you have now are innocence. TThe
wonder you imagine RIGHT now is innocence.
AA feeling known as love will flood you when your mother first embraces
you after emergence. WWhen your eyes
connect for the the first time, that is the power of the universe, it is
creation, chaos, survival, purity, intent, and love with absolutely no distraction,
that is your innocence. TThat moment of love is innocence. IIt is a moment
gained and granted and grown by love shared.
IIt is knowing there is nothing between you and potential. TThere is nothing between you and grace.” The voices were still and a crushing pain
surged through what I knew to be my little body.
Suddenly I was transposed into a frightening room of light,
sharp noises, agonizing moaning’s and other surreal sensations. I was held and swept into a fabric that was
not wet, but terrifyingly DRY.
“It’s a boy!
Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Shirley!”
“Christ, I just hope it’s mine” Daddy murmured outside the
perimeter of the bed. Corruption 1 - Innocence - 0.
1. I'm grateful I spent my New Year's Eve sober and with a roomful of sober people.
2. I'm grateful that my nephew has been calling me a lot these past few months.
3. I'm grateful I have medical benefits and that I can treat this chronic headache soon.
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